So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
