my mouth tastes like poor choices
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
