Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
