Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
