Who wears a wallet chain?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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