Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
