i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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