did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
