Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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