So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
