You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
