It's Friday. Sex?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
handjob tips. give me some.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
