i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
