Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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