I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You did what with his pubic hair?
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