I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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