god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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