Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
