if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
