So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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