So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
