peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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