Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
