remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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