Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
