Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
