listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
