guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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