it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is Oprah even human
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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