I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
