Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
