she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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