had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
