i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
