Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
