the condom got lost in my hair
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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