It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
