That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
NoShamevember. You game?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
