It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
