Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Still dying that you shit outside
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
