I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
