he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
