I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
