When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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