Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
