fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
