Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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