im six kinds of drunk right now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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