Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
