Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
