Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
