Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
