I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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